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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25316920">All I Worship and Adore</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanceypants/pseuds/vanceypants'>vanceypants</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Future, Alternate Universe - The End of The World, M/M, also they have a baby</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:54:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,906</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25316920</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanceypants/pseuds/vanceypants</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>As a meteor comes barreling towards the earth, Jeremy fights to keep his family together.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jeremy Heere/Jeremy Heere's Squip</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>All I Worship and Adore</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yup.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>At this time, we’re not accepting any further applications for artificial intelligence.  For any additional questions or concerns, please contact Evacuation Services at-</i>
</p>
<p>Jeremy wanted to crumple the letter up.  He wanted to shred it into pieces and sprinkle them in the nearest body of water, to watch the shredded text dissolve piece by piece, until it was a swirl of ink and soggy pulp.  </p>
<p>“What did it say?” </p>
<p>Squip’s voice was soft, and hopeful, and Jeremy didn’t want to destroy it in the same way he wanted to destroy the letter.  It was rare for Squip to sound anyway beyond clinical and logical, an almost detached quality to his voice, though Jeremy knew it was more a design quirk than an actual display of heartlessness.</p>
<p>Surely if he spoke to ES, they’d understand that as well.  Jeremy needed to think this through, rather than rush into hopelessness and drown in the despair of this initial decision.</p>
<p>Nevermind that this was the third attempt to gain Squip’s approval for exportation.</p>
<p>Lila began to fuss, her little cries for milk drawing Jeremy’s attention.  Squip had already gone to the kitchen to warm her bottle, as Jeremy scooped the baby from the bassinet, patting her back and bouncing her as he waited for Squip to come back.</p>
<p>When Squip returned, Jeremy took the bottle, cradling the baby in his arm as he fed her.  Squip didn’t repeat the question, but his eyes betrayed his need for an answer.</p>
<p>“Well, they, um, th-they...I need to, uh-”</p>
<p>Squip didn’t deflate.  If anything, he stood straighter, rigid, adjusting his tie and frowning in a vague direction away from Jeremy.  “It’s settled then.  I’m not going.”</p>
<p>“No!  They just...I j-just need to talk to Evacuation Services.  Those ES agents will understand if I can just...j-just get an appointment.”</p>
<p>“You won’t be able to get an appointment.  The best step here is to pack your allotted suitcase in preparation.  With Delilah, you’ll require careful planning to take everything you need in such a small container.  Make sure you don’t forget her alligator-”</p>
<p>The plush alligator that Michael had gifted her upon her 6 month birthday (Squip had found it extremely stupid to celebrate a half year for “a being that won’t even remember the festivities”) had proven quickly to be their daughter’s favorite toy.  Jeremy suspected it was the tail, which so often ended up in her mouth.</p>
<p>“Y-you’ll have to remember that,” Jeremy countered, perhaps with more venom than he intended.  It wasn’t Squip’s fault.  But that didn’t mean he needed to give up so swiftly.  “I’ll m-make an appointment.”</p>
<p>Squip looked at him a long moment, before he strode forward.  He kissed Jeremy’s forehead.  “I’m sure you’ll do adequately.”</p>
<p>Jeremy tried to take solace in the compliment--he knew Squip intended it with the highest of affection--but the words of the letter kept looping around his mind.  His fingers flexed around the bottle, the solidity of it against his palm, and tried to remind himself that they still had 3 weeks to figure this out.  Twenty one days before the last ship departed.  Jeremy had already fought to make sure they were leaving later, the last possible date, just to be sure that Squip would have time to arrange his own paperwork to come along.</p>
<p>Twenty one days.  </p>
<p>They could do this.</p>
<p>He handed Lila to Squip, briefly admiring the way he handled her, so much more delicate than he’d ever been programmed to be, before he went to get his phone.  If they could just understand, if they could just hear how necessary and productive and loved he was, everything would be okay.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>There were certain events, according to Mr. Heere, that you never forgot where you were when they happened.</p>
<p>Jeremy always assumed his big moments would be the life altering personal accomplishments.  Where he was when he got accepted into art school.  When Squip proposed.  The phone call where Christine had stated they were going to be parents.  Hell, even the moment they’d been choosing baby names, and Squip had boldly suggested “Baby” before being laughed at by Jeremy stood out as a more memorable moment than any of this.</p>
<p>Truth be told, his father was wrong.  Because Jeremy didn’t remember where he was when news of the meteor first began to broadcast.  Maybe that wasn’t so odd, though.  When it had first come to light, no one had really anticipated how devastating it was projected to be.</p>
<p>But he also couldn’t remember where he’d been when the first talks of evacuation began to spring up.  Vaguely, he remembered eating cereal and watching news broadcasts of the first ships launching, the pretty spiral of smoke as the initial wave was taken to one of the colonized worlds, formerly little more than novelties, now set to be a new home.</p>
<p>There were three possible destinations.  Jeremy had initially poured over his research to try to decide where he’d like to go.  But as each filled up, and as he waited for his acceptance forms for himself, Lila, and Squip, it became clear that it mattered little which planet they were assigned, as long as they were assigned one together.</p>
<p>Given their union, Jeremy hadn’t worried too much.</p>
<p>Until he’d received his acceptance letter, and the tickets valid for two human passengers.  </p>
<p>And certainly he’d understood (though loathed) that Squip would be classified as luggage, but the idea that he’d be denied outright hadn’t even occurred to him.</p>
<p>Until now, when it was all that was on his mind.</p>
<p>He’d fix it though.  Squip usually was the one to fix things, to step in for disasters.  It was time for Jeremy to return the favor.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Oh, these are lovely.”</p>
<p>The ES agent was a middle aged woman with a kind smile.  Jeremy beamed as he continued to gesture towards the wedding photos.  He’d brought an entire album with him, several pages dedicated to their union.</p>
<p>Nevermind that their marriage wasn’t legally binding.  The ceremony had still been beautiful.  Squip had been beautiful.  Jeremy had been...well, thoroughly average, but the way Squip looked at him had made him feel beautiful, if only for a few hours.</p>
<p>And several hours afterwards, in the honeymoon suite, but he wouldn’t be sharing those videos here.</p>
<p>“You really look like a happy couple.”</p>
<p>The fact she was referring to them as a couple was promising.  Surely that indicated she was seeing their humanity, their love, the necessity to keep them together.</p>
<p>“Y-yeah, he’s the, uh, the love of my life.” Jeremy blushed as he said it, flustered.  He bounced Lila on his knee, voice a little brighter.  “Lila thinks so too.  She loves her daddy.  Don’t you, sweetie?”</p>
<p>As if cued for it, she babbled a happy little sound, before she was sucking on her knuckle again.  Jeremy smiled, brushing fingers through her hair, rustling the bow that Squip had carefully fixed to the ebony strands.</p>
<p>“That’s really so touching.  It’s so nice to see young people bonding.” The woman smiled again, before she began to shuffle her folders together.  “Well, it was a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Heere.”</p>
<p>“O-oh, uh...so, um, will we be expecting a letter or, um, or when do you think we’ll be getting his t-ticket?”</p>
<p>She looked at him oddly.  “I thought the letter informed you already.  We’re not accepting any further applications for artificial lifeforms.  Now, there will be comfort bots left behind to provide emotional support for those left behind up until collision, and if you need pamphlets on how to assist your partner in deactivation, we’d be happy to-”</p>
<p>“No!  N-no, I’m not deactivating-”</p>
<p>“We recommend deactivation to reduce physical and emotional trauma at the time of the extinction event.  Perhaps you’d like some literature on-”</p>
<p>“Shut up!” Jeremy wanted to scream, to throw things, to topple her desk over and make her listen.  Why wouldn’t she just listen?  How could she not understand what she was suggesting?  “I’m not--I’m not leaving without--j-just approve his form, he’s my husband, he’s the father to my child, I can’t just...I c-can’t just leave him behind to die!”</p>
<p>“Death is a little extreme,” Her smile, which had seemed so kind before, had morphed into condescension so effortlessly.  “And he most certainly would not be recognized as your beautiful daughter’s parental figure.  You’re going into hysterics, there’s simply no need to be irrational.  You should be grateful for your own approval.  Surely you don’t want to jeopardize that today.”</p>
<p>Jeremy barely comprehended that she was threatening him, that his own escape could be revoked.  Hot tears stung at his eyes.  “Where do I g-go from here?”</p>
<p>He wasn’t directing it at her, of course.  He hugged his child closer.  Where did he go from here?  How did he fight this harder?  How did he protect the bubble of security, of affection, of family that they’d built for themselves?</p>
<p>“From here, I suggest you go home and pack.  Remember, only one suitcase is permitted per adult member of-”</p>
<p>He didn’t wait for her to finish, his legs tingling and numb, as he carried himself back out into the streets, desolate with the evacuation of nearly three quarters of humanity already.  He looked up into the sky, the outline of the meteor dark and foreboding, and then looked down at his daughter, her black eyes fixed up at him with so much trust that it crumbled the delicate remains of his heart.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“You need to eat.”</p>
<p>Jeremy picked at his plate, the bright green of his vegetables nearly burning his eyes.  He closed them, taking a shaky breath, before he pushed the plate away.</p>
<p>“I’m not hungry.”</p>
<p>Squip sighed.  “I understand that human food is barely palatable, but you require fuel to survive.”</p>
<p>Jeremy’s eyes opened, and a smile tilted his lips.  Squip’s complete distaste (pun intended) about food would never fail to amuse him.  “It’s actually really good, m-maybe you should try some.”</p>
<p>“Absolutely not.”</p>
<p>“What kind of example is that to set for our daughter?”</p>
<p>“A proper one.  I’m teaching her to stand up for her values.”</p>
<p>Jeremy laughed.</p>
<p>And thought about it, what their daughter might think of Squip’s habits.  His lack of consumption of food.  His uptight way of speaking.  His immaculate cleanliness and grooming behaviors.  The way he could nag in such a detached way, offering his guidance as though it were simply a fact of life that needed to be followed.  All order and rules, black and white, rigid.</p>
<p>He was flawed, and Jeremy loved every bit of it.</p>
<p>And then he thought of the fact that Lila would never know any of this.  She was too young to remember him.</p>
<p>Why hadn’t Jeremy taken more pictures?</p>
<p>“Jeremy?” Squip’s voice pitched with alarm.  He stood up, moving around the table to take Jeremy’s hands in his own.  He stooped before him, Jeremy seated in the kitchen chair, and gazed up at him with nothing short of fear.</p>
<p>He’d knelt before him when he’d proposed as well.  His face had been calm then.  (“I already know your answer,” He’d said with so much confidence that Jeremy couldn’t even consider any alternatives.  “But for conventions sake, I have to ask all the same.  Marry me?”)</p>
<p>Squip rarely looked frightened, except occasionally when a spider came into the room (“they move so unnaturally.” “Th-that’s not true, they’re a part of nature.” “They disgust me.”).  Oh.  Jeremy would never see that again either, would he?  The scurry of his body, the way he’d jump onto a higher surface to escape, the flash of indignation when Jeremy would inevitably laugh.</p>
<p>There was no laughing at the concern on Squip’s face now.  Jeremy blinked and more fat tears slipped down his face.  </p>
<p>“I d-don’t want to leave you.” He felt like a child.  Twenty one days had dwindled away, bled until only one remained, and he wasn’t ready for sunrise, for final boarding call, for the way Squip’s body would grow into a tiny speck behind him, then nothing at all.</p>
<p>“I know.” Squip moved his arms carefully, wrapping them around Jeremy.  Jeremy buried his face into his shoulder, a sob tearing from him.  “I know.”</p>
<p>“H-how am I supposed to do any of this w-without you?”</p>
<p>“You’ll manage.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to manage!  I want to be with you.”</p>
<p>“Shh.” Squip pulled back, tilting upward to brush his lips over Jeremy’s.  He kissed him so softly that Jeremy almost worried he’d fall right through him, and so he wrapped his arms around him.</p>
<p>It occurred to him as Squip kissed him how selfish it was that he was demanding comfort.  Squip was the one who needed reassurance.</p>
<p>But how did you reassure someone who was doomed?</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Their last night together was gentle.  Jeremy clung to him, their lips meeting, foreheads touching, bodies moving as one.</p>
<p>He wanted to bottle this moment and live inside it forever.</p>
<p>“I love you,” Squip murmured against his neck, kissing and kissing and kissing until Jeremy thought he’d never be able to shake the feeling of him.  Like he’d always be stamped into his flesh.</p>
<p>“I know.  I-I mean I love you too.”</p>
<p>Squip brushed his nose against Jeremy’s with a soft chuckle.  The sound was quiet and sad, and Jeremy nearly cried all over again.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I could stay with you.”</p>
<p>“I’d never forgive you.”</p>
<p>Jeremy looped their fingers together.  “Maybe I won’t g-give you a choice.”</p>
<p>They both knew better.  Staying would mean cursing Lila as well.  They’d built a future together, and now Jeremy had no choice but to follow it through to the end.</p>
<p>An end that wouldn’t include Squip.</p>
<p>“I could...c-could-”</p>
<p>“Remember me?” Squip said.  “You could remember me.  I…” he trailed off, a distressed look momentarily clouding his features, his hands fluttering nervously, before settling on Jeremy’s hips.  “You don’t need to look back.  You don’t need to feel guilty.  You don’t even need to mourn me.  But don’t forget me.  Please.”</p>
<p>The weight of Jeremy’s wedding band threatened to constrict him.  The lump in his throat was hard and choking and he couldn’t seem to swallow past it.  Lila whined in her stroller, the single suitcase sitting beside it, as she played with her alligator.</p>
<p>“I c-could never forget you.”</p>
<p>Squip smoothed a hand through Jeremy’s hair.  He opened his mouth as though to say something, then thought better of it, leaning forth until his forehead was resting against Jeremy’s.  “Being with you was more than adequate, Jeremy Heere.”</p>
<p>“Y-you’re so clinical.” Jeremy’s eyes stung.  How did he still have tears to give?</p>
<p>“I know.” Squip held him close.  “I hope that I served adequately as well.”</p>
<p>“You’re everything to me.  I…” The sound of final boarding warned the last wave of passengers.  Jeremy looked towards the ship, then back at Squip.  “I could stay,” He croaked out again.  “I could stay.  Please d-don’t make me go.”</p>
<p>Squip pulled back.  “You’re going to live a good life.  I promised you that, didn’t I?”</p>
<p>And he had.  Their vows had exchanged with Jeremy blubbering, and Squip steady.  Squip, promising his protection, his devotion, a happiness that couldn’t be matched.  “I will guide you to a better life.”</p>
<p>How was he supposed to live that life now without Squip?</p>
<p>“You need to go, Jeremy.”</p>
<p>“I c-can’t-”</p>
<p>“You can.  And you will.  I know you will.” He cupped his face, and kissed him.  One last kiss.  Jeremy trembled with the weight of it, tried to remember every detail of Squip’s overheated body, his smooth fingertips, the subtle whir of mechanical elements within his chest.</p>
<p>“I love you.” Jeremy breathed as he pulled back.  Squip walked him to the stroller, picked up his suitcase, and handed it to Jeremy.  “I l-love you.  I can stay-”</p>
<p>“Goodbye, Jeremy.”</p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
<p>“I love you too.”</p>
<p>Jeremy’s legs wobbled as he approached the ship.  He handed over his tickets, and walked through the metal detector.  It all happened too fast and too slow, and he looked back at Squip, who looked so calm that it made Jeremy want to scream at him to emote.  To just show something.</p>
<p>Squip’s hands trembled at his sides.</p>
<p>And Jeremy felt a rush of shame, the sky dark with the impending death of the planet.  “Squip-”</p>
<p>“I love you too.” Squip repeated it.  His eyes moved towards the stroller, and for a moment, terror gripped him.  “I never said goodbye to-”</p>
<p>Jeremy swiveled around.  One last goodbye.  They needed just one last goodbye.</p>
<p>The worker placed a hand on Jeremy’s shoulder.  “There’s no disembarking, son.  You need to get to your assigned seat.”</p>
<p>“But I need-”</p>
<p>“It’s okay.” Squip said.  “She won’t remember anyway.  Get inside.”</p>
<p>Jeremy didn’t know anything could hurt him any worse than he already felt.</p>
<p>Jeremy didn’t remember.  He didn’t remember being led into the ship.  He didn’t remember his daughter being secured in her seat, or buckling his own seatbelt.  He didn’t remember the loud noise of the engines, or the stewardess coming around to preemptively take drink orders.</p>
<p>He tried to look out the window, for one last glimpse, but couldn’t find Squip in the crowd.  He couldn’t remember their faces, just that they didn’t match his.</p>
<p>The ship began its ascent and Jeremy wouldn’t remember the adjustment of cabin pressure or the popping of his ears.</p>
<p>He remembered Squip.</p>
<p>And he always would.</p>
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